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ecstatic_luna

Life changing tarot experience

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ecstatic_luna

Hello! I'm new here to the site, although I have been curious about something that happened to me for a couple years now. I'm very happy to have found this community and hope that someone will be able to shed some sort of insight onto the experience I had.

 

I began reading tarot because I always knew that I had a very strong intuition. Friends and sometimes people I barely knew at all would bare their secrets to me, their most troubling moments, just to have someone to talk to. I can't tell you how many times I've had someone tell me that they feel inexplicably comfortable talking to me. So I was also hoping that maybe reading tarot would be another way that I can guide people too. 

 

The "Tarot for Life" book I bought told me to start with an exercise to practice shuffling and reading. I meditated on the card that was going to represent why I began doing tarot. The card I pulled was "Strength" which resonated deeply, and made sense for where I was at in my life: lost yet hopeful. 

 

I started doing readings for friends and every time I did, afterward I would have a sense of a high. Lifted, without any use of substances. And each friend that I read for had a reaction. Either they got goosebumps, they felt a tightening in their chest. One friend (who said she never had an accurate reading) was overwhelmed at how spot on mine was. I wasn't even aware of the situation, I just had her contemplate the question on her own as I read. One friend had tears in their eyes. 

 

But as humans we all have the tendency toward doubt. Even though I knew what was happening was inexplicable, I thought, maybe it's just because I'm a writer and I have a tendency to read into poetic metaphorical interpretations of things. 

 

I was a senior in college and with a friend of mine, Angela, and I did a reading for her. Now, Angela is one of the only people I have ever had in my life that had serious interactions with supernatural. I won't get into details but her home and family has been affected in certain paranormal ways. I did a reading for her and then afterwards contemplating doing an actual reading for myself. Something was holding me back, but with her encouragement I decided to. 

 

 

 

 

In the beginning, my ritual was to wear a necklace that had the evil eye as well as the hand of fatima and also say the serenity prayer as I shuffled, completely wiping my mind and take myself into high meditation. After flipping each card I then would go through an interpret with my "Tarot for Life" references.

 

Before telling this story, during this experience I was not on drugs nor drinking. 

 

 

I chose to do the Life Journey spread: past, present and future. 

 

This time, before flipping the cards, I felt different then the other readings. 

 

Past: I flipped the past card and saw I had the Three of Cups. I felt something for this card, without actually knowing what it meant.

 

Present: I flipped the Strength card. At this point, I began to cry slightly. This was the first card I ever pulled for myself, when answering my purpose for doing tarot. I started to get very emotional.

 

Future: I flipped the Devil card. I sat and I stared at it, and began to cry uncontrollably. 

 

All I heard was Angela say "whoa." I couldn't stop crying. My body began to vibrate, at first slightly and then so powerfully. It was like nothing I had ever felt before. 

 

What was interesting was, I pictured the Devil card while I was shuffling. What is even more interesting, at this moment I had never actually seen what the Devil card looked like. I was just a beginner. 

 

I was sitting on the floor and trying to understand what was happening to my body. I could hardly move, it was almost like I was paralyzed. The vibrations literally felt just as is. Like every cell in my body was shaking around. My hands were turning purple and I couldn't move my fingers apart. Later, I finally saw that they were stuck making the same position the Devil's hand does in the illustration. 

 

I look up at Angela and I say "I don't know what's happening, will you come hug me?" So she comes over and as she kneels down in front of me, I felt a shift. My depth perception of her changed and suddenly I was outside of myself watching us look at each other. Later that night she told me that during that moment my pupils dilated. It was nighttime and the blinds were closed. There was no reason that my pupils would have dilated. 

 

She said my face lost all of it's color. When she let go of the hug, I attempted to do yoga (child's pose). For some reason that was the first idea that came to me. As I'm doing that I hear Angela in the distance saying a prayer, I'm not sure which. 

 

All this time, I am having epiphany after epiphany after epiphany. I wasn't afraid of the Devil card. It made sense to me. I didn't know what it meant, but I already did somehow. I told Angela I wasn't fearful of it. It was true. I finally understood the meaning of the angel and the devil on your shoulder, yin and yang and the need for opposites and duality in our lives. Without darkness there is no light. It all made sense, and it hit me so hard that it rocked me. I finally felt like I understood who I was. 

 

Finally, the vibrations simmered and I was able to go through my book and read the interpretations. 

 

The Three of Cups made sense for my past. I spent all of my years in college looking for my tribe, my group of people to join in. After going through a very traumatic experience in high school, my four years at college were filled with hardcore emotional breakthroughs. 

 

The Strength as my present made sense, not just because of previously pulling it, but also because at that point in my life I was going through therapy for the traumatic moment in my life, and mentally and spiritually I very much was the girl holding the mouth of the lion. My self-control, my courage and steps toward being a stronger soul. 

 

The Devil card also made sense to me. I felt the devil inside of me, not the Christian interpretation of the devil, but that dark and powerful energy that was consuming me for so many years. I was self-destructive and over-indlugent. I did not care too deeply for myself, but I did see great beauty in everything around me. At that point, in therapy, my counselor and I had been discussing how in the next couple of months, it was time for me to really face my demons. Get to the core of what was making me so heavy and saddened. Shed light onto it all. When I read the interpretation for this, I felt a wash of relief, as well as utter shock. 

 

Angela and I discussed everything. I looked in the mirror at myself and know I felt something similar to this, but certainly not as intense. To say it gracefully, in honor of the forum board, but I've had my fair share of self-induced experiences. And this moment (completely sober) felt like every single experience I have ever had and multiplied. Afterward, when I could finally stand up, I felt like I was floating. It took me a minute to come down. When I finally did, I asked Angela what time it was. She told me it was 8 p.m. I asked her when we started, she said 6 p.m. 

 

I couldn't believe it. All of that time had passed, and I had no idea. It didn't feel like 2 hours whatsoever. 

 

I have had one more experience like that since then, it wasn't while reading tarot. I know for sure it wasn't a panic or anxiety attack because I used to have panic/anxiety really frequently and this was not even close to those attacks. What I do believe this was, was my body reacting to being revealed that I do have some sort of power, I'm not sure.

 

I hope to be able to discuss this and have somewhat of an explain. It's been two years or so since and I haven't been able to truly discuss it with anyone.  

<3

 

 

 

 

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ecstatic_luna

Note: meant to mention that I use the original Rider-Waite deck!

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Cassiel

Oh you poor thing that sounds very frightening and not the normal tarot experience.

 

I will say though when you said "Later that night she told me that during that moment my pupils dilated. It was nighttime and the blinds were closed. There was no reason that my pupils would have dilated." do you really mean dilated? As I would have expected them to be dilated ( wide open as opposed to contracted and small) in a dark room at night?

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ecstatic_luna

It actually wasn't terrible. It was intense for sure, but it was a beautiful experience. And if it's not normal to tarot, I'm trying to figure out what it is normal of. If anyone has had something similar happen. Was it an insanity break from reality?

 

And sorry you're right, I meant to say that my pupils changed. All of the lights were on in the room. So they either contracted and went back to normal or they became even more dilated and then shrunk back down. Pointed out that it was nighttime and the blinds were closed to say that were wasn't a shift in light (like clouds) to make my pupils change. 

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Crystal Wolf

No it's not normal for tarot. But you have mentioned your counsellor and the devil which to me rings alarm bells, I wouldn't feel comfortable with someone that had personal issues and that may be vulnerable and open to influence using the tarot.

If you do carry on then you really need to learn the cards properly and also learn about the responsibility of giving readings too.

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ecstatic_luna

No it's not normal for tarot. But you have mentioned your counsellor and the devil which to me rings alarm bells, I wouldn't feel comfortable with someone that had personal issues and that may be vulnerable and open to influence using the tarot.

If you do carry on then you really need to learn the cards properly and also learn about the responsibility of giving readings too.

 

I haven't had to see my counselor for years. I'm done with my therapy and if there is anyone in the world that claims to not have personal issues in their own lives (tarot reader or not), I'd be very surprised. This was the first time I ever did a reading for myself, as I said. I have carried on and continued to do readings. This, also, is the only time it's ever happened while doing tarot. 

 

Can you expand on "open to influence" and what you mean by that?

 

And what exactly did I do back then that wasn't done properly?

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ecstatic_luna

No it's not normal for tarot. But you have mentioned your counsellor and the devil which to me rings alarm bells, I wouldn't feel comfortable with someone that had personal issues and that may be vulnerable and open to influence using the tarot.

If you do carry on then you really need to learn the cards properly and also learn about the responsibility of giving readings too.

I haven't had an experience like that while reading since then. The people I have read for have never felt uncomfortable. And honestly, three months or so ago I did a chakra check in reading for myself and it was one of the most positive and uplifting readings I've had. My life in general has been more positive and uplifting since I conquered the darkness of my past.

 

Do you think maybe because of where I was at in my life, that I still hadn't cleared away the bad energy within myself, that it manifested in a certain way? 

 

I'm just wondering if there is some term or other definitive way to describe it so I can understand what happened. It wasn't normal, and I know for sure I wasn't making it up. 

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Crystal Wolf

I would never suggest that you were making it up. I know how profoundly tarot can work it's magic.  You have a lot of potential, you are very articulate and frank and open aswell, there is a freshness and something that I can't put my finger on too.

 

With any new tarot reader there is a rush of excitement and energy, this is the beginning of a journey that sometimes never ends, we learn and learn and each reading we learn some more.

Does the book cover things like reading morals and ethics?

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ecstatic_luna

From what I gathered from the book, it's basically told me that while reading I need to be completely detached (on a personal level) from the person I'm doing the reading for so my own feelings don't influence the result. If reading for myself not to read during a state that's too emotionally frantic otherwise that may play into the results as well.

 

Although I've been reading for two years I am absolutely not too proud to say I'm still new at this. If you can shed more light on knowledge I should know I'd be happy to learn more!

 

I also still hope to figure out more about what made that experience happen to me. I've always had a belief in magic, but that was the first time I felt something so different, and so strongly. It felt so unique and otherworldly.   

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Crystal Wolf

There is a lot of knowledge around the forum, we used to run tarot courses too, :)

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